she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
