We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
