once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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