I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize