i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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