my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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