Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
