I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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