I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
