i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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