hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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