this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
