I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
