apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
