Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
