shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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