dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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