i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
