Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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