I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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