Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
