Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
