thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
