Apparently you make a good broom.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
