i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
