I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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