Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
