dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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