You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
