I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He has the fingertips of a God
There's even glitter on my cock...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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