dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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