I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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