Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
