JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
