so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
