I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
