He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
