remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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