Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
