It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
