the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
