You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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