Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
