I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
