Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
