3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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