i barfeds in our rink
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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