Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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