Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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