question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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