The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
