I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
