Cold hands, warm shart.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
