it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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