Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
