margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
