So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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