I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
