just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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