Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A bitchslap is in order.
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