Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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