Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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