I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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