u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
