My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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