If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
